2020 - What a Year
This year has been a massive roller coaster. The first part of the year feels totally disconnected from the rest. I started of 2020 with nerves to tackle my GCSE's. I was in year 11 and I was innocent to what was to come. My last few months of high school where not what I expected. I didn't do my GCSE's, I missed out on prom and didn't get a proper last day. It was hard because I had been looking forward to all of these for years, they were supposed to be my chance to say goodbye and hello to a new adventure. But instead, like everyone else, the school year was finished in March. We had months off. Covid had different plans for us. Many had to adapt to online school and working from home. However I felt stuck, like I know so many year 11's and year 13's. We didn't have much to do because we were stuck between two adventures. We didn't have any work from the school we just left but we also didn't have work from the school we were moving onto.
Days felt so long and I missed so much that I had taken for granted. I missed the routine of education, I missed hanging out with my friends, I missed Guiding a lot. I was lost with what to do with myself, I wasted so many days doing nothing. I know like so many others that my mental health dwindled. I found it hard to be motivated to do anything. I knew my anxiety grew everyday because I didn't know how I was going to adapt to being back in the real world when September came. Lockdown wasn't easy but we made it through.
I started sixth form in September and I'm not gonna lie and say it was easy. In many stories after months of despair when something new comes along its suppose to light up your life again and you are supposed to feel totally renewed. But I'm afraid in the real world that doesn't always happen. The cycle continues, you're just in a different environment. I did enjoy being in a new routine, I liked having something to occupy my mind. But lockdown did leave a toll. I'm more socially awkward for not speaking to many people for months and I found it hard to get back in the rhythm of learning. I do enjoy my subjects though, even though they are challenging.
What I really wanted to talk about in this post though is what I've learnt. Yes not everything has been sunshine and rainbows but this year has definitely been eye opening. I've learnt to be grateful for everything I have in my life and I've learnt that it's okay not to be okay. Mental health can sometimes be a tough topic but we need to start being more open about it, you are allowed down days and to be anxious. You shouldn't hate yourself for feeling this way. But you need to talk to someone. If you store it all inside, one day you are going to burst and be worse off. Our minds are who we are and if they are not cared for then we can fall ill and lose our way. Always look after yourself first because you can't do anything if not.
I've enjoyed writing this blog this year and I know I haven't updated it in a while but I really want to continue it in 2021. It will be different to this year because this year it was revolved around lockdown but I'm thinking about writing posts to help girls and women through life's troubles (well to my best ability because I am only 17). As that is what Guiding is all about.
I don't know what 2021 will be like but as long as we stick together, I'm sure we will battle through. This year has been hard but I believe I needed it to realise who I am and what I can achieve.
What have you learnt this year? What have been your lowlights and highlights?
I hope you all had a great holiday, speak to you soon.
Thank you for reading and make sure you keep safe and keep on Guiding!
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